Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
you inspire me to be a worse person
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
