Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
