This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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