i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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