Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
