I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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