So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
he fucked my hip out of place.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
