I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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