i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
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