i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize