dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just found a bag of teeth...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
