drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
