Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
