I'd wear matching sweaters with you
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
