Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
