Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize