If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We are two peas in an std pod
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
