she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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