I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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