My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
