I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
