I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
