I'm lost and stupid without you.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
