She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
