Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
