The maid of honor just puked.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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