There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
