hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
