we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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