just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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