is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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