I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
