Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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