never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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