awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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