I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
In America we eat man semen.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
