some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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