so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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