every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
