One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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