So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
