You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
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That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
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Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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