i just snorted my name. best moment ever
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
