Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
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so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
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Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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