I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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