u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Did I show you my penis last night?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
