yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
should my penis look like a turkey
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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