I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
