hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
