why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
