nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
