she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
