So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
