So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
you never un-have a 4some
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
