I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
