Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
