I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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