rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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