I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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