he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
