As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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