you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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