i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
