god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
